Communication

[This was taken from a skit at our choir banquet. It's intended to be a joke. I'm not making a statement that men don't communicate.]

"After one year of marriage . . ."
He: I’m home, Honey.
She: How was your day?
He: Oh, fine. Oh, by the way, Mrs. Elliot had her baby.
She: What did they have?
He: A little boy.
She: How big?
He: 8 pounds.
She: How long was he?
He: I don’t know.
She: You don’t know? Honestly! You men. You don’t know how to communicate.

"After three years of marriage . . ."
He: I’m home.
She: Hi. How was your day?
He: Oh, fine. Oh, by the way, Mrs. Johnson had her baby.
She: What did they have?
He: A little 6 pound, 3 oz. girl.
She: What did they name her?
He: Sara.
She: Sara what?
He: Sara Johnson.
She: Sara what Johnson?
He: I don’t know. I didn’t think that was important.
She: You men – you don’t know how to communicate.

"After 5 years of marriage . . ."
He: Hello.
She: Hi, I’m back here, cleaning crayons off the wall. How was your day?
He: Oh, fine. Oh, by the way, Mrs. Reed had her baby.
She: What did they have?
He: They had an 8 pound, 8 oz, 21 inch long little boy. Allen John Reed.
She: What hospital is she at?
He: Methodist.
She: When was he born?
He: This past Friday.
She: Like when on Friday?
He: I’m not sure.
She: Well, didn’t you ask? You men – you don’t know how to communicate.

"After 10 years of marriage. . ."
He: Whose bikes are lying in our driveway?
She: I don’t know. How was your day?
He: Okay. Oh, by the way, Mrs. Michelson had her baby.
She: What did they have?
He: A little girl – 7 pounds, 4 oz – 20 inches long – Rachel Louise – with a bushy head of dark hair. She’s at Fairview Southdale – they barely made it. It went quick.
She: When was she born?
He: On Saturday, just before 11:00 p.m.
She: Is she still there?
He: No. She was discharged this morning at 10:30 – Ed went to pick them up.
She: Do they have other children?
He: I’m not sure.
She: You’ve worked with Ed over 6 years and you don’t know! Hasn’t he ever showed you pictures?
He: No.
She: You men – you don’t know how to communicate.

"After 25 years of marriage. . ."
He: Whose cars are parked in our driveway?
She: Friends of the kids. How was your day?
He: Okay. Oh, by the way, Mrs. Peterson had her baby.
She: What did they have?
He: A little girl – 6 lbs, 14 oz – 19 ½ inches long – Jenny Mae Peterson – Jenny after the maternal grandmother – Mae after the paternal grandmother. She’s got red hair, just like her mom. She’s at Abbott Northwestern in Rm 6538. Her doctor is Dr. Oliverio – graduated in 1989 from Johns Hopkins – did a residency in the Navy for his internship – 1990 – 1994. She was born on Thursday at 10:47 a. m. Her husband and her mother-in-law picked her and little Jenny up. This is their 3rd kid. They have 2 boys – Josh: 8 and Jeremy: 4. All 3 are red heads.
She: Was she in labor very long?
He: I didn’t ask.
She: Honestly, you men. You don’t know how to communicate.

"After 50 years of marriage. . ."
He: I’m home.
She: How was your day and where have you been so long?
He: At church with the guys working on the boiler. Oh, by the way, Mrs. Sanderson had her baby.
She: What did they have?
He: A big boy – 9 lbs, 10 oz – 22 inches long – William Herbert – William after the father – Herbert after the maternal grandfather. No hair at all, a real baldy! She’s at Abbot Northwestern in Rm 6512. She has a roommate named Ruth, who cries a lot. Her doctor is Harold Sloan, who graduated from the U of M Medical School in ’90 – did his internship and residency at HCMC from ’91 – ’95. Baby was born on Saturday at 2:45 am, after a labor of about 7 hours. She went home this morning about 10:15. Her mother is here from Canton, Ohio. She flew in this morning on NWA flight 118 and will be helping out for 17 days. She goes back to Ohio on a Tuesday in the am. Her mother-in-law flies in from Sacramento on that same Tuesday afternoon, on Western Airlines, flight #68. She’ll be in first class. She flies back to Sacramento 10 days later, first class. This is their 3rd kid. They have 2 girls – Kayla: 6 ½ and Jennifer: 4. This is the 6th grandchild for her mother, and the 10th one for her mother-in-law. They’ve repainted the baby’s room a color called "candle light" by Sherwin Williams. They’re covered 100% by Blue Cross. They’ve had Blue Cross/Blue Shield ever since they were married, 8 years ago. Everything is moving along nicely.
She: Have they applied for a Social Security # yet?
He: I don’t know. I didn’t ask.
She: You men – you don’t know how to communicate.

"After 65 years of marriage . . ."
He: I’m back from my walk. I need new handle grips on my walker. Oh, Mrs. Berg had her baby.
She: Who’s Mrs. Berg?
He: You don’t know her?
She: No.
He: But you told me Mrs. Berg was expecting.
She: I told you Mrs. Youngberg was expecting. Besides not being able to communicate, you men don’t listen.
He: What?
She: I said . . . oh, what’s the use!
He: Let’s have coffee. Then I’m going out to the garage.
She: Good! Being by yourself might make you more aware!